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:: Wednesday, April 19, 2006 ::
i felt soooo back. i regained "conscious" & rite nw i don feel as in de dumps as the last few days has been for me. its been 3 days, and boy, does it seem sooooo long..
met d juz nw.. cos we juz haf to talk things out, in other words,"clear our doubts" or rather, clear MY doubts. well.. at de sight of his face, i juz couldnt utter a single word. though i think i must have "practised & memorised" a few lines to throw at his face back at home but i juz couldnt say anything infront of him. i swear! i was practically dumb-struck. haiz. lets just put it this way.. I DIDNT TALK. okay lar.. a few lines of course.. n tat's tat. n de whole purpose of him comin down to meet me is to TALK! im sorry k d.. i made u mad. u were explaining urself silly & i was there nodding & nodding my head (not to mention cry!!) all the while. i look pretty silly, i shd say.. d sorrie yea.. u noe im de type who cries.. even over de smallest of gestures. (well.. less is more sometimes!) its de best way for me to show my emotions. don be mad, k? its onli natural..
okok.. i don wanna go into so much details lar. too private. juz wanna say dat me n d juz had de most wonderful conversation ever. thru de phone conversation we juz had, we tried to catch up wif each other; wat happened after all dis mess, wat we felt, wat we haf done, reflections.. u get de idea? if not.. forget it lar. its too complicated.
i asked him abt dis blog & wat r our future plans to deal with it. he preferred it to still be put up, so.. okaylor. i wont demolish it. so u ppl can still bask in de luxury of our tears & laughs k. okok. don expect too many happy stuffs in here lar. its mostly for our rantings. so there!
we finally voiced out to each other wat we haf been feeling all these while & i shd tell u.. i felt so good telling him all that im hiding inside. ryte nw i feel so empty - in a gd way. lyk sumhow i haf pushed de burden on my shoulders away. i luv dis feeling. wish i can have this feeling of "emptiness" all of my life.. but of cos i cant. there will b more obstacles ahead.. n i juz haf to be prepared.. no, actuali i need not prepare anything. im always caught off-guard.. so.. i juz haf to be careful of my every step lar. sigh. life!
okaylar.. i've written wat i wanna write. so i guess nw i can haf a peaceful sleep.. good nite, or rather, gd morning fellow readers. dear God, mama is awake oreadi. she'd KILL me for hogging de comp till de wee hrs of de mornin. holy sh*t! its 5:30am (SIN time). ahakz.. so long bloodsuckers!!
- end -
fiza still loves an..
@ 5:09 AM
